Why Self-help Doesn’t Help: on Embodied Story-telling

There are two primary reasons why the vast majority of self-help fails to help.

The first is that self help is often disembodied in the truest sense: we as a culture forgets that we are bodies, we are embodied intelligence walking, grasping, exploring, feeling, breathing, and more. And, we do not think with our disembodied minds. No, we think with our nervous system, which is embodied. (For more on that check out my blog post on healing embodiment.)

This is why cultivating a loving relationship with the body through somatic practices like Taoist qigong is so valuable. 

The second is that self-help lists ( 6 lessons I learned from… 7 habits of…) are not what provides lasting benefit, and indeed they are not how we even think. For humans, to think is to think in narrative. We write our lives as we write a story, not a list. 

I'm sure that you have read plenty of self-help books that offer sound advice (have good habits, be resilient, have good boundaries, etc.) But, one of the primary reasons such good advice doesn’t stick is because there is a fundamental disconnect. 

Can you recite the complete list of lessons from your favorite self help book? Can you recite all 12 rules for life? The 7 habits of highly effective people? The 13 principles to think and grow Rich?  (No cheating.) Probably not.

But, can you recite the play-by-play of your favorite story and the important lessons the hero learns contained within it? Absolutely. And, you’d probably be excited while doing it. 

Without a narrative, even the best advice is just a dead, passionless list of do’s and don'ts. It is not memorable, and it can not impact the deepest level of your psyche, your soul. 

 This is why story is key to transformation. We remember stories. In fact, we are a story, or more accurately, a series of interwoven stories.  

Consider a relationship with a loved one, a career dream, a five year plan, or even just a trip to a grocery store or a bio on a resume. These are all stories, and it is the quality of our stories and the characters within it that dictate the quality of our lives. 

We inevitably fall into being our own reluctant main character. We find ourselves, as Heidegger says, being thrown into life, and we are alone in our first-person existence, and the troubles, joys, sorrows, and triumphs contained within it. 

Yet, paradoxically, this being alone in our first person experience is something all humans share, and what we use language to relate to each other with. 

There is a deep common thread in the individual story of our lives. Taken together, we find there is a common human journey--a hero’s journey through life. 

To be a human, if one accepts the call, is to become this hero of life. It is to walk barefoot into Mordor, to save one’s family, to redeem the world from evil, or to just form a party and venture forth into the unknown.

This of course, in less allegorical terms is to dive deep into our selves, to discover the unknown, to breathe deeply, and suck the marrow out of life. It is to embark upon the quest of radical self-knowledge, self-love, and personal transformation. 

And, in doing so, one will certainly find there are just as many dragons, monsters, horrors, and treasures, seductive lovers, and undersea temples, as all of our best stories contain. 

Lets not forget, that every story was written by a human--every story is born from within the collective mind of humanity. This means that the world within, the collective unconscious is larger than not just the greatest of story, but all of the greatest stories.

This is the difference I seek to solve with my method: embodied story-telling.

Through intentional embodiment, shadow integration, and the power of myth, philosophy, and depth psychology, I want to help you become aware of yourself, accept your shadow, and then transform, so that you can write the next best chapter of your life.

If you’re interested, I have blog posts on each of these elements, and more.

And, if you’re excited by these ideas, please don’t hesitate to schedule your free 20 minute consultation on how embodied-storytelling can help change your life for the better.